Anxiety and Stress in America is Rising to all Time High.

With all the tragedy occurring in the news lately, you may have found yourself thinking, how do I make sure my children grow up in a better world, my nieces, nephews? How do I go about teaching them about equality and unbiased love? There are many great resources out there and we care to help. Small steps can make a huge difference.

If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

 #Together #United #Love #mentalhealth #ravennaohio

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Author: Lynda Benigno

 Learning good boundaries is a life skill most of us were never taught. Boundaries are thought, and respect for another's well being and autonomy. The boundaries you choose to set are a reflection of your needs and establishes healthy rules for your relationships. Ultimately, boundaries demonstrate what we will accept or not accept in our relationships with others. Setting healthy boundaries is a way to practice self-love and protect your energy.

 Your boundaries can be physical, mental/ emotional, or material.  Physical boundaries can involve touching or physical space.  Violations of physical boundaries can include a person barging into your room without knocking, someone standing too close or touching someone without knowing if the other person is okay with it.

 Mental and emotional boundaries separate feelings and thoughts from one person to another.  Violations of mental and emotional boundaries can include giving unsolicited advice, telling someone how they should feel,  listening in on another's phone calls or, repeating confidential conversations to others.

 Material boundaries involve possessions, and violations can consist of taking something without permission or looking through someone's phone or personal files.

 Other boundary violations can include showing up to a gathering to which you were not invited or correcting children when their parents are present. Refusal to take no for an answer. Insisting grown children live according to your values and desires or sharing personal information without asking if the other person has the mental space to hear it.  
 
 Boundaries do not need to be the same for everyone. Your comfort level can vary depending on the situation and person. Imagine yourself and each person you know standing in a room. Each person has a small border fence around them.  The person to your left is someone you have known for years, and the relationship consists of mutual respect shown through active listening, self-awareness, and owning up to mistakes, consent, and communication. When you encounter this person, your fence door swings open with a welcome. The person on your right is someone you love very much, and for the most part, the relationship is on steady ground. However, every once in awhile, they have a terrible day. They come through the door and dump all of their problems into your lap with little consideration for how it may make you feel. When you encounter this person, your fence door opens cautiously. The person standing directly in front of you is someone you love, but you struggle to keep the relationship on good terms. This person gossips continuously and borrows things and does not return them and wants you to do things their way. When you share how you feel, they respond by minimizing the impact of their actions and words. They become condescending and abusive. When you encounter this person, your fence door does not open; in fact, you decide to put a lock on it.

 The key to setting healthy boundaries is identifying where in your life, you are feeling drained. Spend some time evaluating your relationships with others, personal or professional. Write down which interactions leave you feeling depleted.

 Next, identify what you need to not feel drained. This can mean spending only a limited amount of time with certain people, saying no to invites, or turning off your phone for a set amount of time each day.

 Put your boundaries into action by communicating with those around you in a firm yet gentle way. Start with " I feel______ when you _____. I would appreciate you considering this next time".

 If the other person violates the boundary again, you can remind them by verbally establishing your needs, followed by the consequences of another violation. The consequences laid out should depend on the circumstances and is non-negotiable. You must be prepared to follow through. If you fail to follow through, you end up demonstrating that your boundaries don't carry any meaning.

 It is also important to remember boundaries do not need to be set in stone. The boundaries you set can be re-evaluated and adjusted according to circumstances or changes in relationship status. Find what you are comfortable with and follow your gut instinct. Your body will tell you when something is not right. If you are always clenching your jaw after interacting with a particular person, you should probably be spending less time with them.

 Having a strong support system in place is essential, and I highly recommend seeing a therapist if you are struggling with the process. When setting boundaries, it is not uncommon to receive guilt trips or have others angry with you. Understand that this sort of reaction comes from fear and, sometimes, a side of manipulation.  It is not a sign of love, and you do not need to accept boundary violations as the norm. You can choose to accept it, change it, or leave it.

 As individuals with personal agency remember, you have the right to say No. You have the right to reject the unreasonable expectations of other people. You have the right to personal space. You have the right to protect your energy and to decide to whom you give your energy. You have the right to love yourself enough to set healthy boundaries.

 The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

Combating Chronic Fears. -Stepping Stone Community Services Blog

Author: Lynda Benigno

When we are born, we have two fears, the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Some fears are primal and keep us safe; the rest is a result of the culture we grow up in and the conditioning we experience as children. Primal fear served an evolutionary purpose, keeping humans alert from predators and animals that posed a threat. In today's world, primal fear takes the form of making enough money to live comfortably and keeping our homes safe from potential intruders. In small doses, fear can motivate us to meet deadlines, personal goals or prevent us from doing something dangerous such as driving after drinking. Too much fear can rob you of joy and become debilitating.

If you have chronic fear, the world can look like a scary place, and your memories will confirm your fearful experience. Fearful messages are everywhere. Watch the news; every other story contains a message of fear. Chronic fear can interrupt brain functions that regulate emotion, non-verbal cues, and the ability to reflect before acting and behave ethically. The long term stress you experience with chronic fear kills the brain cells in your hippocampus leading to deterioration of memory and short circuits the response paths creating constant feelings of anxiety. You will experience fatigue, depression, accelerated aging and you are at risk for premature death.

Decisions made based on fear are rarely good ones. In a fearful state, the choice is being made based on emotions, when our feelings take over we discard logic and facts. Instead of making a confident decision that will lead to growth we experience regrets or a lot of what if's. Low confidence in your decision leads to more fear, and it becomes a vicious cycle.

Instead of getting caught up in your fears and emotions, make decisions based on what you want instead of what makes you feel fearful. Ask yourself if the choice you are about to make will bring you happiness. Gather all of the facts and information, so you are making an informed decision. Trust your past personal experiences, perhaps the last time you made the right decision you experienced an excited flutter in your stomach, and you just knew it was the right thing to do. A bad decision may have led to a stomach ache or knot in your throat. Your body often gives you clues as to what is right for you, take the time to listen. If you have difficulty making decisions or letting go of your fears, especially if it interferes with your daily life, talking to a therapist may be right for you.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

Reaching High For The Prestige.

Author: Lynda Benigno

We are all operating under a system. It's a game we were born into, and we are expected to play the game whether we want to or not. Our conditioning demands it. The most asked question a child will hear is "what do you want to be when you grow up?". At that point, they are already players in the game. They are reaching for a destination, one that seemingly has an endpoint but in reality, will follow them the rest of their lives.

Each day we are inundated with the message of needing more and reaching for the stars. We use words such as "grind" to describe the relentless pursuit of financial goals and acquisition of material goods. Through email, mailbox, social media, billboards and television, we are swamped in advertisements and little reminders that enough is never enough. Photos and videos on social media, especially those of celebrities carry the message that if you work hard enough, long enough and really want it, you too can be just like them. This is not to say goals, financial or otherwise are detrimental. Goals are a healthy practice, but when your goals consume your life to the point that you experience excess stress, sleep deprivation, little time for family, friends, and most importantly yourself, it becomes problematic.

Stress and anxiety are prevalent in our society. Anxiety affects 40 million adults each year and is the most prevalent mental illness in the United States. It's not just adults who are affected. Anxiety is common among children aged 6-13 and very common among 14-18-year-olds. Only 36% of adults get treated for their anxiety. Access to affordable healthcare as well as stigmatism contributes to such a low number. The expectation of success at any cost, the fallacy that doing always leads to positive results, fear of failure or disappointing others, keeping up with the Joneses and the idea that happiness is elusive but found in acquired goods or others definition of success undoubtedly affects our mental health. If we were honest, we would admit its exhausting.

As a society, we attach tremendous value on things and status. We look for the next big thing, rarely taking a moment to acknowledge the little victories we achieve each day. For some just getting out of bed is a victory. We stop thinking about what we truly want out of our lives and find ourselves living up to everyone elses expectations and standards. We cease being individuals; rarely taking the time to stop and look inward to see that the destination is where we are now. Sure, there are things you want to do and more achievements to be had, but right now you are allowed to be happy with where you are. A goal, when executed with balance, should be celebrated. I only wish more would remember it's the relationships we form, the time given to a friend, space where we allow ourselves to exist as we are, the souls we touch with kind words and encouragement, the love we have to give, that will weave the fabric of success. Know thyself and live for love, at the end of the day it's all we truly have. It is the ultimate destination.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.